


Regulations

by randomcheeses



Series: What if? [6]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Gen, Gen Fic, Humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-04
Updated: 2010-08-04
Packaged: 2017-10-10 22:42:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/105190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomcheeses/pseuds/randomcheeses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Military rules are often subject to change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regulations

As an armed force, the Amestrian military had many rules, all of which had been deemed essential to the proper running of said military. However, there was one, that over the years had become subject to various updates and edits.

_Regulation 34:All members of the military shall wear the standard uniform when on duty. All members shall also have the regulation haircut. No exceptions. Failure to obey shall result in two days detention in the brig. _

###

Major General Armstrong's visit to Central, coupled with an overly officious remark from an officer temporarily her superior, resulted in two amendments to this regulation.

_Amendment 34(a)(i) Long hair is permissible, provided it is tied back at all times._

_Amendment 34(a)(ii) Generals above the rank of Brigadier may wear their hair however they damn well please._

###

Some years after the General's visit, Colonel Mustang was forced to refer to regulation 34 at the insistence of his superiors, in an effort to make the Fullmetal Alchemist wear a uniform. He was briefly successful.

However, after the sight of the sixteen-year-old in the Amestrian military's blue and gold almost caused three separate traffic accidents and lost the Colonel his title as Central's most eligible bachelor, a further amendment was added.

_Amendment 34(b)(i) State Alchemists operating in the field may wear whatever plain clothes they please, within reason._

###

General Hakuro's offhand comment some time later, that the young man should voluntarily cut his hair or have it forcibly done, resulted in his being declared the subject of a boycott by the entire female secretarial staff, now otherwise known collectively as Edward Elric's fanclub. It also resulted in Lt. Col Maes Hughes capturing one of the most spectacular looks of horrified denial ever to grace Colonel Roy Mustang's face on camera.

The General, confronted for the first time with the damage that people who specialised in dealing with tedious paperwork could do when they put their minds to it, not to mention a curiously vengeful Flame Alchemist, quickly added another amendment.

_Amendment 34(b)(ii)Additionally, State Alchemists may wear any preferred hairstyle within reason._

###

"Brother, what are _you _doing looking up the regulations handbook?" Al asked in surprise.

Ed waved the aforementioned book distractedly. "Trying to find a rule against it. There's got to be one here somewhere. Then he'll have to get rid of it!"

Al sighed. "Brother, give it up. There is no rule against General Mustang having a moustache." There was a pause. "Even if it does look like a horrible case of hair-lip," Al conceded.

"Then I'll just have to make one," Ed declared, clapping his hands and pressing them to the dog-eared copy of '_Regulations of the Amestrian Military'_. A second later, Al pulled the altered book out of his brothers hands and glanced at the open page. Sure enough, there was now an Amendment 34(c).

_Amendment 34(c) No butt-ugly moustaches!_

"Brother, you'll have to alchemically alter every copy of the regulations in Amestris. It'll take forever."

"It'll be _worth_ it!"


End file.
